the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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