tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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