Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Randomize
