Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
