Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
