Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize