your parents love me but you hate me
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
