So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
