omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
