Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
