hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
