Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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