yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
