She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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