He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
