Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
