I think i sorta joined a cult last night
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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