so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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