Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
