i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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