well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
