I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
