he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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