I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Sacagawea was the original milf.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
