im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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