You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
whose parrot is this?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
