my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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