She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
