There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
