I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Randomize
