Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
