i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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