dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
