Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Randomize
