he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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