she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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