That's intense
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Alive.
So much puke
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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