Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
