what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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