I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
