worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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