my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Life is so much better after having sex.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Randomize
