you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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