I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
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