My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
