sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
