I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Randomize
