Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
