took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
