I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
