hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
