I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
