Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
