I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize