just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
