I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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