so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
