she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
