for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize