Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
