What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Randomize
