I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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