All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Found the puke drawer
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
