I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
