Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
