I heard we made out
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
