So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
