oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
