he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
