My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Randomize
