i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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