Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
