Sober January is a disaster.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
