Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
You are the jesus of drinking
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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