I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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