I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
not ubering you a puppy
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
