I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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