dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
