I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
