make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize