No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
