two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize