so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
She told me I should be a condom model.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
