Will you blow on my dice?
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
