know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
