The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Randomize
