Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
The Olympian is in my bed
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