What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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