you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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