you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I would ride that face into the sunset
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
