She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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