I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
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