Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
