he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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