Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize