that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize