Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
