guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Randomize
