i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
