"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
