Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
