3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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