I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
