and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
