found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize