I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
