Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
